Windshield Rites

Okay. What is this new phenomenon of people eulogizing their loved ones on their vehicle windshields?

 “R.I.P. Tammy 7/16/81–6/10/09. We love you, babe!” written next to a quaint jagged (ripped?) broken heart.

Somehow, I don’t think Tammy would appreciate being memorialized on a Ford F-150 windshield after she and the two tons of metal she was using as a cell phone booth was wrapped around a cement light post somewhere near Jigger, La.

I have a mental image of the deceased’s loved ones, en masse hoofing it to the Hobby Lobby to buy some white grease pencils to inscribe folksy epitaphs in memory of Tammy on the back windshields of their jacked-up rides—the ones with the backward-spinning vertigo-inducing hubcaps—written in poor penmanship beside micturating Calvin & Hobbes rip-off cartoon appliqués.

What ever happened to tombstones? A simple wooden cross? A tasteful vase on a fireplace mantle? I’m sure if Tammy wanted to advertise her desire for solitude, she’d not have chosen an mobile advertisement on some Bubbamobile with a do-it-yourself aerosol Rust-oleum Krylon paint job.

The only acceptable written automotive coup de grâce would be one suggested for Dorothy Parker’s tombstone: “This one’s on me.” Like a nice stiff bourbon. Neat. With a twist.